Total Fidelity

"There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:22.)

And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: “Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.”

The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse."  ~Spencer W. Kimball

I love the last line of this quote.  Being totally faithful does not just apply to physical intimacy.  Total fidelity means that you put your spouse FIRST.  No job, child, parent, hobby, friend or interest should ever take precedence over your spouse.  There are people who would never be unfaithful to their spouse by cheating with another person, but who don't realize that they ARE being unfaithful to their spouse by putting something else first in their lives (a career?  a sport?).   I invite you (and myself) to honestly examine your life and determine if you are being totally faithful to your spouse in every way.  If there is room for improvement, start by talking to your spouse about how you feel.  Then work on finding ways to increase your fidelity until you can reach your goal of total fidelity.  

Flirtation

     I have been thinking about fidelity for weeks now.  I have so many ideas swirling around about what I want to say, and have found so many great quotes that I don't know where to start.  I realized this morning that I may never know where to start, so I'm just going to jump in somewhere.  Here's the simple truth:  You chose your spouse.  You made a commitment to love your spouse and be faithful to him/her.  Do it.  Easy enough, right? 

     I'm going to start my fidelity posts by addressing flirtation.  There is no such thing as "harmless flirtation" outside of marriage.  Any flirtation with anyone other than your spouse is HARMFUL TO YOUR MARRIAGE.  Your love for your spouse cannot be safe, whole, and complete while part of your mind or heart is occupied with someone else.  Even if your spouse knows about it.  Even if your spouse doesn't mind.  Even if you know you would never enter into a physical relationship with that person.  Even if that person is single (or married).  No matter what.  Your heart belongs to your spouse, and only your spouse.  Your marriage relationship cannot remain strong and cannot progress if you are flirting with someone else. 

    Want a second opinion?  Here are Spencer W. Kimball's thoughts on the matter, "Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity. Each spouse takes the partner with the understanding that he or she gives totally to the spouse all the heart, strength, loyalty, honor, and affection, with all dignity. Any divergence is sin; any sharing of the heart is transgression. As we should have 'an eye single to the glory of God,' so should we have an eye, an ear, a heart single to the marriage and the spouse and family."
     Why is flirting so dangerous and harmful?  When you are thinking of someone else, you are not putting your spouse first.  When you are flirting with someone else, it is easier to find fault with your spouse.  You start to focus on your spouse's shortcomings, and to see what is fun and new in someone else.  As your heart, mind, and affections wander, your desires to work on your marriage, be unselfish, and put your spouse first go out the window.  You tend to take your spouse for granted, and maybe even to find them boring. Plus, the obvious harm is that what starts out as "harmless flirtation," can often lead to greater infidelity.  
     I know flirting is fun.  But hey, if you want to flirt with someone, flirt with your spouse.  Try sending your spouse a flirtatious text.  Catch your spouse's eye across the room and smile or wink.  Leave a little love note for him/her to find.  Find ways to add excitement and novelty to your marriage.  Flirtation with your spouse is the only "harmless flirtation" there is.  Stop any other flirtation in its tracks, and be totally faithful to your spouse. 

Quote for the Month

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a month!  I have been out of town the whole month, and I intended to post regularly while on vacation, but I just didn't!  I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things before my school and internship get started in a couple of weeks!!  To get started, here's a quote I really like about what happiness in marriage is all about:

"Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness."

~Spencer W. Kimball