Constant Vigilance

     I've been thinking this week about how easy it is to let your guard down, to get comfortable and lazy, and to take things for granted in your marriage.  One thing that makes marriage so challenging is that your relationship is constantly changing and evolving as you and your spouse are constantly changing and growing too.  It is impossible for your marriage to stay the same day after day, year after year.  And all that change requires constant vigilance.  We must make our marriages a top priority in our lives!  We must take time to evaluate the quality of our marriage on a regular basis.  We must keep our guard up all the time against harmful influences.  We must question our loyalties and our motives daily.  Your marriage is a precious, important relationship that must be safeguarded, protected, and strengthened on a daily basis.
     I know there are so many other demands and distractions in life.  We have children, jobs, school, church, and many other obligations that demand our attention.  But we can't lose focus on our marriage, and we can't let our marriage fall to the bottom of our priority list.  Strengthening your marriage can be something as simple as taking 3 seconds to look into your spouse's eyes to say, "I love you."   It can be as complex as planning a surprise weekend getaway.  Or it can be anywhere in between.  Take some time each day to connect with your spouse.  Make time for conversation.  Evaluate your heart and your feelings toward your spouse every day.  If your heart is not in the right place, make a change.  Your marriage can stay strong and healthy if you commit to constant vigilance.
     Why not start today?  Think about where your marriage is at right now.  What is going well?  What is not going great?  What changes can you make to improve your relationship?  What have you done to strengthen your marriage today?  What can you do today to make your marriage stronger, healthier and happier?  Communicate with your spouse, and commit to make one change today to improve your marriage.  You can do it!  Every step in the right direction is important, no matter how small.  With constant vigilance, your marriage can become (or stay) strong and healthy. 

Simple

I saw this on a plaque the other day, and I was struck with the impact of these six words:

Choose Your Love.

Love Your Choice.   


Simple, beautiful, and true.  I love it!

Being Vulnerable

     There is something really scary about opening yourself up to another person in total honesty, and letting them see and know the real you.  We all have little secrets that we hide from others.  For those of us who have been hurt and betrayed by someone we loved and trusted, this is especially true.  We keep our most vulnerable selves hidden deep inside, and only let others see what we want them to see.  In marriage, sometimes we hide the part of ourselves that we feel embarrassed about, or the part of ourselves that we are afraid no one else could understand or love.  It is difficult to trust someone enough to let down your guard and share everything about yourself with someone else. 
     Some people say that it is good to have some secrets in your marriage, but I disagree.  I believe it is best to be totally open and honest, even if that means being completely vulnerable to your spouse.  Some people keep a secret from their spouse to "protect" them from reality.  They don't want their spouse to know of a past misdeed, or a current habit that would upset their spouse.  I truly believe that your marriage cannot be whole and completely fulfilling until you are honest with your spouse, and you let them see and know the real you.  All of you. 
     Disclosing difficult truths to your spouse is not easy, and the initial results may be discouraging and frustrating.  When you are opening up to your spouse about something that will be hard for them to hear, prepare them by expressing your love for them, telling them why you are going to open up to them, and then giving them time and space to accept what you have told them. When you make yourself vulnerable like this, sometimes your relationship will seem to get worse before it gets better as one person takes time to process and accept their new reality.  But I believe your relationship will get better as you become totally honest with your spouse about who you are and how you feel.  You will feel closer, and there is a sense of happiness and security when we know that our spouse truly knows, loves, and accepts us.  Being vulnerable is scary, but it can be very rewarding.  I encourage you to give it a try. 

How Important Is Marriage?

"Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations."

~Spencer W. Kimball

Money Matters

"A new study found a couple with $10k in debt and no savings is 2x as likely to divorce, as a couple with no debt and $10k in savings. Further, couples who disagree about money once per week were 2x as likely to divorce as those who only disagreed once per month."
~Banc Investment Daily, Oct 4, 2011