Quote of the Day

"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart. Not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make not just on your wedding day, but over and over again. And that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife."
~Barbara De Angelis

Myths

Common Myth #1: Things have been this way for so long, I can't do anything about these problems now.

THE TRUTH: I can change, and our relationship can change no matter how long these problems have been going on.


Common Myth #2: I don't like the way I'm feeling, but I can't help it. I feel the way I feel, and I just have to accept it.

THE TRUTH: Who controls the way you feel? You, and only you!! If you don't like the way you're feeling, make a change. Change your thoughts, change your actions, change your attitude. Just never forget that you can change!

The Best Marriage Advice

The best marriage advice I ever got was given to me pretty early on in my marriage. It struck me as true and important, and I have tried to apply it to my marriage every day. This is it:

Don't expect your marriage to be 50/50. Instead of keeping track of what your spouse should be doing or what they "owe" you, resolve to give more. The key to being happy with your marriage is to decide to give 90% and expect 10% in return. Be the first to apologize. Be the one to love more, give more, and sacrifice more.

There are a couple of reasons why I think this advice is so important. #1 is that your view of giving 50% will never match up exactly with your spouse's view of giving 50%. If you're keeping score, you will always feel robbed. #2 is that love expands exponentially when you sacrifice and serve your spouse. Sometimes, apologizing when you don't feel like it can seem like the hardest thing in the world. It's not always "fair." But you'll find it is always right. When you put your spouse first, and sacrifice your pride, your anger, your hard work, or your time for them, your love for them will grow, and their love and appreciation for you will grow. This advice helped me a lot in the early years of our marriage. Is there any marriage advice that you've been given that has helped you? Or any advice from your own experience that you'd like to share with others? Make a comment and share your wisdom!

Quote of the Day

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."
~Barnett R. Brickner

Quote of the Day

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way. I pray that we may see it for the priceless gift that it is."
F. Burton Howard
For the full text, see http://lds.org/liahona/2003/05/eternal-marriage?lang=eng

My Philosophy on Marriage, Part 2 and a challenge

Here's the main thing that I believe strongly about marriage: it goes both ways. The way you treat your spouse affects the way they treat you. If you want to be treated differently, then you need to make a change in your behavior. Little changes in your behavior can have a big impact on your relationship. The problem I see over and over in unhappy marriages is that one person blames all the problems on the other person. Then they feel powerless to change their marriage, because they believe all of the problems with the relationship are because of the other person. What everyone needs to realize is, you have the power to make a profound change for good in your spouse and in your relationship. When you stop blaming and break out of the negative cycle, you can lift your spouse and your relationship to a higher level. I know this is a little bit oversimplified, and there are lots of different situations that may not seem to fit exactly into this philosophy, but even in the most complex and difficult situations, there is truth in this concept that can make a difference. What if, for a week, (then a month), you try a little experiment? Even the happiest of marriages have some room for improvement, so everyone can try this.
For one week...
Do not criticize your spouse at all.
Tell them you love them every day.
Praise them or thank them for something every day.
AND
Perform an act of service for them every day.
Just four things to remember, but I think it'll make a difference. Take the challenge, try it out for one week. Let me know how it goes.

My Philosophy on Marriage, Part 1

The first thing we all need to remember is that we chose our spouse! You chose him. If you can't remember why you chose him, think back. Go back to that lovey-dovey, first kiss, head-over-heels feeling. Remember the good old days. Now remember that when you married him, you promised to love him forever--through good times and bad. But you've changed, you say. You've both changed. Things have happened. Yes, people change and trials hit. That's why you commit to each other in the first place. That's why you promise to stick together--because things are going to get rough. If everything was going to stay rosy, you wouldn't need to promise to stay together. People make mistakes, bad things happen, (good things too), but you stick together. Because you promised you would. And if you keep on working on it, guess what? Things get better. You chose each other and you made a promise to each other, so keep it. Keep that promise and choose to love when you don't feel like loving. Choose to forgive when you don't think you can. Choose to not be offended when you think you should be. Choose to make it work.

I'm not a professional...

Not yet anyway. I'm working on getting my Master's Degree in Counseling, but I'm a few credits and exams away from being a professional. But I have been married for 16 years. And I do strongly believe that marriage can and should be happy. I have some ideas about how to make marriage happier, so I thought I'd start a blog about how to improve your marriage. Gotta go study now...more to come!