Priorities

OK, I am back!!  I survived another semester of my program, and after a busy week of finals, and then a busy week of catching up, I have been thinking about my marriage blog, and what to post about next.  I had this idea floating around about what a man wants...kind of a list of what is important to men.  I thought I should survey some of the men I know and ask them what is most important to them in marriage (instead of assuming), but then I was struck with the thought that not many people go to counseling wanting to know how to make their spouse happier.  When people consult their friends or family about their marriage, it generally is not to get ideas of what their spouse might want or need.  And then the thought that naturally followed is...we all might be happier in our marriages if we did put our spouse's happiness as our first priority.  I know it goes against our naturally selfish natures to think this way.  And it is not the message society sends us either.  I think sometimes we get so caught up in what WE need and what WE deserve, that we seldom stop to think about what our spouse needs and wants.  But think about how your marriage would be different if you put your spouse's happiness as a priority over your own.  How would your interactions with your spouse be different?  How would your life be different?  How would your marriage be different?

Why do people go to marriage counseling?  I think a lot of the time it is because they want their spouse to change.  I think if more people went to counseling with the thought, "How can I change myself to be a better spouse and make my spouse happier?"  counseling would be a lot more effective.  BECAUSE #1, you cannot change another person.  You can only change yourself.  and #2, when you change yourself (into a person who puts their spouse first), your relationship WILL change for the better.  If you want a better marriage, be a better spouse.  If you want to be happy, make your spouse happy.  So I have a challenge for you...put your spouse first.  Make their happiness your top priority for a day, a weekend, a week, an hour...whatever you feel like you can do.  Put your spouse's happiness first, and see what changes.  And if you do it, let me know how it goes!  I commit to try it too.  :)