What is it about Mr. Darcy?

I am a huge Jane Austen fan.  Huge.  My favorite book is Pride and Prejudice.  My favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 Kiera Knightly version in case you were wondering).  Like millions of other women all over the world, I love Mr. Darcy.  And yes, I do know that he is a fictional character.  My husband asked me a few days ago (not for the first time either), "What is it about Mr. Darcy?  Is it that he's rich?"  And this time, I put a little more thought into my answer (instead of my usual silly reply about men with British accents wearing breeches).  Here's what I told him:

Every woman wants to be loved.  REALLY, really loved.  Totally adored.  It's not that Mr. Darcy is rich, it's that being rich, he has certain responsibilities to his family and his estate to marry well, and he's willing to put all of that aside because he loves Elizabeth so very much.  He's willing to ignore the ridicule and backlash he receives from his enraged Aunt De Bourgh.  He's willing to sacrifice his pride and go against his family's expectations for him because of his love for Elizabeth.  And that's just the beginning.  When Elizabeth doesn't see his good qualities or appreciate his devotion, she thoroughly rejects his proposal (which I don't think Darcy had even considered was a possibility).  So now, Darcy realizes that he loves Elizabeth, but his love is not returned.  When she rejected him, he could've easily been very angry that he had been willing to sacrifice so much in offering her his hand, and she did not appreciate at all his sacrifice or struggle.  He could've let his pride and anger change his feelings towards Elizabeth to those of contempt and disgust.  (Kind of like Mr. Elton did when Emma rejected him in another Jane Austen classic.)  But instead, Darcy continues to hold on to his love for Elizabeth. 

The next time they meet, I'm sure Elizabeth is expecting a cool, unfriendly greeting, but no.  He loves her still.  He wants her to be happy.  He wants to be around her.  He wants to introduce her to his sister.  Then, when Elizabeth is faced with a family scandal that makes her situation even more unsuitable for Mr. Darcy, he steps up and intervenes to help smooth things out the best he can.  At great personal sacrifice (both of his time and money), he does what he can to assist and make the best of a bad situation--all because he loves Elizabeth and wants her to be happy.  As far as he knows, she despises him still, but his love for her continues despite her lack of feeling towards him.  He loves her enough to sacrifice for her even if she doesn't return his feelings. He loves her enough to change his mind about the suitability of his best friend marrying Elizabeth's sister.  He admits he was wrong, and he does everything he can to remedy the situation and help that couple get together because he knows it will make Elizabeth happy.  He does all these kind things for Elizabeth because he loves her.  No expectations from her.  After doing these kind deeds, he doesn't renew his proposal or expect a change of heart.  Only after Elizabeth scolds his Aunt and refuses to vow that she won't marry Darcy does he begin to hope that her feelings for him might have changed.

So what is it about Mr. Darcy?  It's that he loves Elizabeth so much that he is willing to sacrifice for her.  Even after she rejects him (and falsely accuses him of ruining Mr. Wickam's life), he still loves her so much that he is willing to sacrifice for her and do anything he can just to make her happy.  That is an unselfish love.  That is a pure, adoring, amazing love.  And I think THAT is what every woman wants.  The fact that he's rich is kind of a bonus.  :)

Not a P&P fan?  Edward Cullen in Twilight is much the same.  Men all over the world roll their eyes at their woman's infatuation with this sparkly guy.  They think it's his perfect good looks or his money that make the women swoon, but I think it's much more than that.  Edward loves Bella so much that he is willing to sacrifice for her (being with her requires him to be in constant pain and struggle).  He loves her so much he is willing to sacrifice being with her (by leaving because he believes she'll have a better life without him).   His unselfish love and devotion are the main reasons why most women love Edward.  Again, the fact that he's rich and incredibly good looking are just a bonus.  :)

The bottom line is that we all want to be loved.  We all want someone to be totally, unselfishly devoted to us.  We all want to be completely adored.  So, how do you get that kind of love and devotion?  That is the million dollar question!  I think that you receive that kind of love and devotion when you give that kind of love and devotion.  Your spouse wants to be loved and adored, so love and adore them.  Their most likely response will be to love and adore you back!  Treat your spouse like they are your greatest treasure and you will most likely be treated pretty well yourself.  Then you can have your own Mr. Darcy, and your own happily every after...for real.
(Posted by Cherene)

Divine Design

I love this quote from L. Tom Perry about marriage and family structure.  I like how he emphasizes the importance of husbands and wives being partnerships, and communicating effectively.
 "I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation. But it is wonderful to see husbands and wives who have worked out real partnerships where they blend together their influence and communicate effectively both about their children and to their children."