Commitments quote

As New York Times columnist David Brooks said: “People are not better off when they are given maximum personal freedom to do what they want. They’re better off when they are enshrouded in commitments that transcend personal choice—commitments to family, God, craft and country.”

Culture of the temporary

“We now live in a culture of the temporary, in which more and more people are simply giving up on marriage as a public commitment. This revolution in manners and morals has often flown the flag of freedom, but in fact it has brought spiritual and material devastation to countless human beings, especially the poorest and most vulnerable. … It is always they who suffer the most in this crisis.”
                                                                                      ~Pope Francis

Challenge for the Day

Write a little thank you note for your spouse.  Think of something you really love and appreciate about him/her, and leave a note of gratitude.  It doesn't have to be long or eloquent, just take  30 seconds and jot down a few words.  It will help you remember all the things your spouse does for you, and it will make them feel appreciated.  :)

Great Article!

I love this article by Sue Johnson, who is a relationship researcher and counselor. 14 ways to create the best relationship of your life. 

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12065/14-ways-to-create-the-best-relationship-of-your-life.html?utm_content=buffer4a092&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Staying in Love

Falling in love is easy.  Falling in love is fun, exciting, exhilarating and wonderful.  Staying in love is challenging.  Choosing to love when you feel frustrated, tired, angry, disappointed, betrayed, or heartbroken is difficult.  But anything worthwhile is difficult.  Anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Having a happy, stable marriage is worth every effort.  Every tear shed, every prayer uttered, every selfish urge denied is well worth it.  And not just for your own happiness, but for the happiness and well-being of your children and for the stability of society in general.

Fight for your marriage with all your heart and strength.  Give everything you have--every ounce of patience, every speck of kindness, every bit of commitment...all you have in order to make it work.  And at the end of the day, the kind of marriage you have will be well worth it.  When you have a deep level of trust, security, happiness, and understanding, it is a more real and lasting joy than the giddy feeling of falling in love can ever supply.

Being happy in your marriage is much more under your control than most of us realize.  Choose to love, even when it is hard.  Choose to be happy.  Choose to be kind.  Choose to be generous, unselfish, and trusting.  If you don't like the state of your marriage, change yourself to be a better spouse.  Most of us waste a lot of time and energy waiting for our partner to change, instead of looking inward and working on ourselves.  Stop focusing on your spouse's deficiencies and look in the mirror.  How can you become better?  What can you do to express your love more?  What grudges do you need to let go of?  What frustrations are you holding in, but holding onto?

The interesting thing about marriage is that you never reach a point where you don't have to put in effort.  Some times will be easier than others.  But you have to work on staying in love every day.  Put in the work, and you will see results.  If you want to be happier, work a little harder.  Choose to stay in love.  It is a choice.  It takes effort and sacrifice.  But it is worth it! 

vulnerable

I love this quote from C.S. Lewis, "To love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...  Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell." 

Love hurts.  Love is hard.  It is scary to be vulnerable.  But it is worth it!  The more you give, the more love you will feel, and even though you are more vulnerable, you will live a happier life.  To know the most exquisite, full, complete happy love, you need to be vulnerable and experience pain and misery.  Otherwise you can never appreciate the happiness.  The more you give of yourself, the deeper your love will become.  Your capacity to love and be loved will grow.  Take the risk.  Love deeply.  Give yourself fully and freely.  Let yourself be vulnerable. 

Want a Happier Marriage?

Do you want a happier marriage?  OK, I have a challenge for you.  The beauty of this challenge is that it doesn't matter how long you've been married, what problems you're having, or how great things are going.  This little challenge will improve your marriage no matter what.  Are you ready?

Make your spouse's happiness your main priority for the next week.  

This one little change can and will make a big difference in your marriage!  Even if things are going great, this little change of perspective can boost the happiness in your marriage.  If things are not going so great, this can start to turn things around.  Some people reply something like, "But my husband has been viewing pornography,"  or "But my wife nags me constantly," or "But I can't stand the way he/she _________".   My answer to all of these is simple: TRY IT.  It doesn't matter if you think your spouse deserves it.  It doesn't matter if you are fed up or in the middle of a fight. When you make your spouse's happiness your main priority, all of these things start to sort themselves out.  When you are concerned with your spouse's happiness, your perspective starts to change, and you become less selfish and more loving.  This breaks the cycle of negativity, and it boosts the levels of happiness!  If you can't make it a whole week, try it for just 24 hours.  If a week is a piece of cake, then try a month.  If you accept the challenge, please let me know how it goes!!  Leave me a comment and fill me in.  Thanks!  :0)

Relationship Tip #5

Keep the Relationship Fresh.  Look for new and different ways to add life to your marriage to keep it healthy and strong.  Try new things.  Explore new places.  Find new ways to express your love.  Get out of your comfort zone. 
Tips from "Change Your Brain Change Your Life" by Daniel G Amen

Relationship Tip #4

The next tip from "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" is:  
ASSUME THE BEST. 
"Whenever there is a question of motivation or intention, assume the best about the other person.  This will help his or her behavior to actually be more positive."  -Dr. Amen
We have so much more control over our own happiness than we realize!  We can choose our attitude.  We can choose how we react to any given situation.  And here's the kicker: how we choose to act has a strong effect on how our partner will respond.  If we assume the best, we'll feel better about the situation, and our spouse will feel better (and act better too). 

Marriage is More Quote

“Marriage is more than your love for each other. … In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. … So love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God.”
 Dietrich Bonhoeffer