Perspective

As a follow-up to the post on "Owning your Expectations," I want to add that when you allow yourself to get angry and frustrated with your spouse, that colors your whole marriage perspective.  Here's a personal example... Early in our marriage, when I was frustrated that my husband wasn't helping me with the dishes (even though I hadn't clearly communicated that that is what I wanted), I felt like I had gotten the short end of the marriage stick.  I noticed other husbands who did the dishes, and I failed to notice all of the good things that my husband was doing to help me.  I was so wrapped up in what I deserved, and what I wasn't getting, and feeling resentful that my wants and wishes were not being anticipated, that I was making myself (and probably my hubby too) miserable. 

When I tried the obvious solution of communicating my feelings, and asking for what I wanted, everything changed.  Once I realized that my husband was willing to help me when he knew what I wanted, my whole perspective changed.  I stopped feeling resentful and sorry for myself.  All of a sudden, I noticed a lot of really nice things about the way my husband treats me, and I started appreciating all the nice things he does for me.  I could not believe that I had not noticed all of the positives in our marriage because I was so very focused on the negative.  It makes me sad now to think that I ever wasted time feeling unhappy over silly things that totally skewed my perspective.  Happiness was right in front of me, but I chose to focus on the negative, so I couldn't see it. 

So my question for you is, "Is there any negativity that you are holding on to in your marriage relationship that you need to let go of?"  The sad irony is that you hold on to (and focus on) the negative out of anger as a sort of punishment to your spouse, but the person who ends up being hurt the most is you.  The challenge is to examine your marriage relationship.  See if there is any anger, resentment, or frustration that you are holding on to.  If there is, it is time to let it go.  Talk to your spouse about your feelings, and realize that letting go of some negativity can totally change your perspective, and can free you to be happy in your relationship!