"Let husband and wife never speak to each other in loud tones unless the house is on fire."  
 ~David O. McKay

One of my clients recently informed me in a counseling session that it is not possible to have a marriage that does not involve yelling, name calling, and disrespecting each other when angry.  I questioned his belief, and he informed me that he has NEVER witnessed a marriage relationship that is free from those negative elements--not in his marriage, his friends' marriages, his family members' marriages...NEVER.  When I told him it is possible to have a successful marriage without ever yelling, he laughed.  It made me sad for him (and his friends and family), and it made me wonder how many other people feel that same way.

One of my friends told me that she and her husband decided from day one that they didn't want to have any yelling in their house, so they agreed to never yell at each other or their future children.  And guess what?  They don't yell in their family.  Awesome, right?  I wish my husband and I had thought of that and agreed to that when we were newlyweds, but we didn't.  And there were times early on in our marriage when we disagreed and we yelled.   But over the years, we've gotten better at being respectful and calm.  We've practiced using "I" statements and re-stating what the other said.  We have worked on talking about heated issues only when we are both calm and well-rested.  And now we don't yell at each other (unless one person has headphones on or is using the vacuum cleaner). :)  It takes a little effort, but it is definitely possible.  I have seen it work in my marriage and in the marriages of my friends.  If you are in the habit of yelling at each other or being disrespectful when you disagree, then make a change.  Sit down and talk about what behaviors you want to change, and then change them.  With a little effort and practice, you can transform the nature of your marriage into one that is respectful, calm, and happy.  Give it a try!