Physical Intimacy, Part 3

Returning to the subject of physical intimacy, I did want to point out that one of the main causes of conflict in this area is selfishness.  It confuses me that some men don't seem to realize that if they make their wife's enjoyment of their physical time together a priority, she will be more likely to want to be intimate in the future.  This seems like such a no-brainer to me (and it might to you), but surprisingly, there are a lot of men out there who don't seem to get it.  Men, be unselfish and patient with your wives.  Try putting her needs and desires ahead of your own.  Women, be unselfish and generous with your husbands.  Be considerate of his desires and feelings. 

Everyone wants to feel wanted.  But no one wants to feel like a physical object.  We all want to feel respected, loved and cherished.  Treat your spouse as you want to be treated.  I have had some female clients complain to me about the way that their partner grabs or gropes them like they are an object.  Our society objectifies women so much, and media is constantly shouting the message that a woman's worth is based on the shape of her body.  Pornography feeds into this line of thinking.  Men who view pornography tend to see women as an object for their gratification instead of as a beautiful human being with feelings who should be respected.  Don't let these mistaken messages seep into your marriage.  Cherish your spouse and treat them with respect. 

One last word of advice--and this is just my opinion, for what it's worth.  Keep the details of your sex life private.  What goes on in your bedroom should not be discussed with friends, or joked about with family.  Respect your spouse and that sacred part of your relationship enough to treat it with the reverence and respect that it deserves.  If you are having problems in that area, discuss your feelings about it with your spouse--not your friends.  If you feel you need outside help, seek help from a trusted professional or church leader.  I found a quote from Spencer W. Kimball that backs up my opinion: "Sometimes mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others."
  
In summary, be unselfish.  Be kind and considerate of your spouse's feelings.  Treat each other with respect, and have enough respect for your relationship to keep the details of your intimacies private.