Marriage Counseling

Most people think of marriage counseling as kind of a last-ditch effort people make to save a failing marriage.  If that's what you think, it's time to stop and re-think! :)

I'm going to share a story with you.  A good friend of mine had a parent that was verbally and emotionally abusive to her while she was growing up.  This friend is a wife and mom, and has a very ideal-looking life.  Unfortunately, she is plagued with depression, anxiety, guilt, self-doubt, and a nagging sense that she will never be "good enough."  Sadly, when a parent tells a child those messages over and over, the child grows up believing it.  She has resisted going to counseling, insisting that she is fine, and that everyone has problems.

In the past, whenever I suggested that she try counseling, she would reply, "Why don't YOU try counseling?"  So then, I started working on getting my master's in counseling, and my professors encouraged all of the students in the program to go to counseling on a regular basis.  I began to realize that counseling is helpful to everyone in every situation.  So I started going to counseling (and really loved the experience), and then I suggested again to my friend that she try going to counseling.  This time, what could she say?  So she went.  This was about a year ago.  Recently, she opened up to me about how counseling has affected her life.  She said that counseling has probably saved her life, and has definitely improved her life immeasurably.   She has learned so much about herself and how to come to terms with her past, and how to handle her future.

Then she told me about how she brought her husband along to a counseling session because she wanted her husband to meet her counselor.  This friend has a great marriage.  They get along well and rarely have conflicts.  This friend would have never gone to marriage counseling because she didn't feel she needed it.  But with a few key questions from the counselor, both my friend and her husband realized that they could benefit from learning some communication techniques, and from talking about how they feel.  So they started attending some sessions together, and they could not believe how much they benefited from marriage counseling.  They both gained a deeper appreciation for the other, and they learned about each others' communication styles.  She discovered that when he said "X" he really meant "Y,"  and he discovered how to say "Y" when that is what he meant.  They loved marriage counseling, and both felt that it helped their good marriage to be even better.  

So, my message is #1: Counseling is great!  It is not scary.  Going does not mean that there is something wrong with you.  We live in a crazy, busy, hectic world where we rarely take the time to think about our lives, our relationships, and our feelings.  We rarely take the time to talk to someone else about our fears, our problems, and our real selves.  Counseling helps us to sort out how we are feeling.  Counseling helps us to learn coping skills to deal with life's craziness.  In short, don't be afraid to go to counseling.

AND message #2: Marriage counseling is most helpful when the marriage is not in a crisis.  Marriage counseling is much easier and more enjoyable when both parties are not at the end of their ropes!  Marriage counseling can help a deeply troubled marriage, but it can also greatly help a good marriage.

(Posted by Cherene)