Praying Together

Our Stake President (church leader) recently said that he has never had a couple that is praying together every day come to him saying that they want a divorce.  He advised everyone in the congregation to pray together every day as a couple to ensure the happiness and well-being of your marriage.  He stated that the prayer you say together as a couple should be different from other prayers because this prayer between the two of you should focus on your relationship and your spouse.  Take turns saying the prayer aloud, and when it is your turn, thank Heavenly Father for your spouse.  Thank Him for all the good things you love and appreciate about your spouse.  Ask Him to bless your spouse when needed.  It is a special prayer of gratitude for each other and your relationship.  This prayer helps you to express love and appreciation for each other, and to see each other from a more eternal, meaningful viewpoint.  As a counselor, I agree 100% that praying together as a couple every day will strengthen and protect your relationship.  It will give you an eternal perspective that can sometimes otherwise be lacking.  It will help you to remember why you love your spouse, and will remind you of all the positive things about your relationship.  When you are faced with difficulties and trials, it will give you a sense of unity and purpose.  When life is smooth sailing, it will give you a deeper sense of love and gratitude for each other.  Praying together will help to keep your relationship strong and healthy.  If you're not already in the habit, start today.  You will notice a difference in the quality of your marriage, and probably a positive difference in your feelings towards your spouse too. 

Speak Up!

Silence is no good for a relationship.  Silence is isolating.  Silence can be frustrating.  And most importantly, silence prevents you from communicating, bonding, and feeling close to your spouse.  Some people use silence as a means of asserting control over their partner.  Some people use silence to punish their spouse.  Some people are silent instead of expressing their feelings because they don't like conflict and don't want to start a fight.  Good intentions, but bad results.  Read this quote from an article in Psychology Today:

"When you can express what you’re feeling—in the moment that you’re experiencing it—there’s much less likelihood that you’ll act out on that feeling. Problematic feelings that go unexpressed tend to percolate and boil over—they take on energy of their own, and the ensuing conflict hours or days later may have little correlation to the original emotional insult. When this occurs there’s little chance of being validated, as there may be little correspondence between your hurt feelings and the disruption of the moment."

Holding your feelings in is not helping your relationship.  It does not make you a better person.  It is unhealthy and ultimately causes much bigger problems than expressing your frustration or anger in the moment.  So communicate often.  Talk about your feelings, your frustrations, your hopes and your relationship.  Express your love for each other often, but make sure to express your frustrations too.  The whole Psychology Today article can be found here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/201401/silence-relationship-killer?tr=MostViewed