How to Apologize

There is so much power in an apology.  Two little words, "I'm sorry," can deflate anger, repair damage, engender humility, and make amends like magic!  Those two little words should be easy to say, but for some reason, they can be very, very difficult.  Admitting you are wrong takes courage, humility, and grace.  Here are some tips for how to apologize:

1) Take full responsibility.  "I'm sorry I yelled, but you made me so angry when you..." is NOT an apology.  Do not offer up any excuses.  Admit you were wrong, and say "I'm sorry."  Period.

2) Be specific.  Name the offense, and the feelings it may have caused in the offended party.  (Again, NO EXCUSES.) For example, "I'm sorry I yelled.  I can see how you might feel angry or defensive after being treated that way.  I should not have yelled, and I apologize for treating you that way."

3) Make amends, and tell your spouse how important they are to you and why. 

4) Ask for forgiveness.  If your spouse is not willing to forgive you at that moment, be patient.  Realize that your apology does not require your spouse to forgive you.  They may need some time and space in order to let go of their hurt, and be able to trust you again.

5) Don't apologize unless you really mean it.  If you know you're in the wrong, but are still too angry to offer a sincere apology, wait until you cool down.  Pray for help, and the strength to apologize.

6) Learn from your mistakes and change for the better!  A sincere apology doesn't mean too much if the offender turns around and does the offending behavior again right away.

There you go.  I think the very  most important thing to remember is to not make excuses.  That is where most apologies go wrong!  If you ever catch yourself saying, "I'm sorry, but..." stop and realize that that is not an apology.  Apologizing is hard work, but the benefits are well worth it!